Spoiled.

I never realized how great of an invention the dishwasher really was — until I started using ours about 3 weeks ago. I’ve always been the type to wash everything by hand cuz well, that’s what my mom did and I think I actually enjoyed washing dishes by hand. I’d heard about this claim by Consumer Reports years ago that using the dishwasher saves you more money. I never believed it (how?) and I didn’t see how that could be possible what with all that water that’s swishing around. So finally, at my old age, I decided to give it a try and see if we really could save a little more money (or if it comes out the same) if I consistently used the dishwasher once a day for one whole month.

Until it stopped working on me 2 weeks into my little “experiment.” Yes, it stopped and all I was getting was this green light blinking on the “Clean” stage. I was devastated like you would not believe! I’d gotten so used to the luxury of not having to waste time over the sink (spoiled is the word!) and then it stops working on me, just like that. Imagine, only after 2 weeks of using the dishwasher, the affect it had on me was amazing — to the point where the idea of having to do dishes by hand was absurd. I WAS LIVID! (But ei, don’t think I’d never seen one before my little experiment hahaha! We’d always had one growing up but it’d just sit in our kitchen like some kind of Iladro decoration).

But I’m a happy girl now because my dishwasher just got fixed this morning. Yep, with the push of 2 buttons. Now why couldn’t I have figured that out myself? I feel like all the planets are aligned correctly and life can go on being happy. And yes, notice I said “my” dishwasher. I love that thing like it’s nobody’s business.

Ahhhh, it’s so good to have you back dishwasher. I MISSED YOU IT HURT!

What ifs?

Jane got me thinking of what ifs today.

I don’t like to think I have any regrets in life. I’ve always believed everything that happens in life brings you closer to where you ought to be.. or where you’re meant to go. But even still, sometimes a moment will remind me of something really dear to me and I’ll get this tiny stab in my heart and well, my mind drifts to what could have been.

No, I am not talking about some past lover.

Playing the piano. I’ve never mentioned this before but I used to play the piano in my past life. I loved it more than books and short stories. It was the one thing in the world where I could escape and I was (brace yourself for the corniness that lies ahead) one with the music.. the chords.. the melody.. the climax.. the everything. Just thinking about it now almost puts me in an emotional state. I remember just today, while driving, hearing a piano version of “It Might Be You.” My heart hurt and once again, I was reminded of my past life where I could escape to the one place that no one else could be a part of with me — the piano. It pains me even more, presently, when I run my fingers across the keys and my fingers have no reaction — almost as if they’ve reached foreign land. Imagine that feeling — something you lived for, in every moment you were in it/there with it 100%, the way a glove fits your hand and then… when you seek some sort of affirmation that there’s still a connection and sadly, there ends up being none, imagine that. Hubby tells me I could always go back to it but no, he doesn’t understand. It would be so hard to go back to the piano. My fingers don’t sway with the keys like they once did in the past. My eyes don’t see the notes as clearly as before. It is all so foreign to me. I don’t feel the connection at all.

And so my piano just sits. In our living room. And it is the same piano from when I started at 3 or 4 years old. I told my mom she could will everything to my sister so long as I got my piano. It was shipped from Alaska to California. Corny, I told you.

It’s even cornier when I say I miss performing for a crowd. I miss recitals, I miss choosing a piece and presenting it in a version that becomes my own. It’s a special thing when you’re up on stage. The greatest high, especially when the journey is done, and you realize you have a crowd in front of you (with their loud applause) and you’re wondering where the hell they came from — only to be reminded that they were there with you all along. And it’s an even greater high when you perform something you’ve put your soul into and when you look into the crowd for some sort of confirmation they understood your meaning, they’re standing for you. Life doesn’t get any sweeter than that. I could live on stage and in those moments forever.

I am a coward. A coward because I choose not to chase my dream and see where being a pianist might have brought me. A coward because I didn’t stand up for the one thing that was special to me. And an even bigger asshole for ending my relationship with the piano over something so entirely stupid, immature and just plain dumb.

Again, like I said, hubby says I could always go back to playing again. I don’t agree. I’ve lost so much along the way. Let me be a coward and take my pride instead. Besides, I’m only human — and we all must have at least one ‘what if’ in life.

The Wonderful Weekend That Was.

I had so much fun this weekend. Yes, even if we didn’t go out of town. My cousin A called me on Friday morning and told me she was flying in with her cousins for the weekend. It was a spur of the moment trip (those are the best kinds!) and one I’m glad they took cuz it was so good to see them!

Friday
After E got off from work, we went out to dinner with my mom. As usual, we went to my mom’s favorite Asian buffet in Belmont. I swear she can’t ever seem to get enough of that place. And it’s not like it’s out-of-this-world good hahaha. After a late dinner, my mom was still in fighting spirits so we headed off to our local Hillsdale mall. There were some good sales already going on; I didn’t walk out with anything but my mom got a pair of slacks and a silk blouse and another blouse for under $80. Not bad at all, considering her slacks (had she bought it at full price) was already $79.99. A and her cousins overnighted in San Jose as they were going to go clubbing… something E and I are too old for.

Saturday
We headed off to Gilroy for the whole day. Great sidewalk sale! Sadly, we didn’t really drive out of there with much, except for those Rockport boots I posted the other day. I was definitely in the mood to shop but we didn’t hit all the stores. It was really warm that day; maybe that was why. During lunch at this Chinese resto in Gilroy (yummy Mongolian beef!), I finally got the period that I’d been waiting for (I swear I was more than a week delayed!). To think E and I do want to get pregnant, but when the idea almost came true, I think there was some panic hahaha. I was so happy I wanted to scream, LOL.

Meanwhile, A and her cousins spent the day in downtown SF. We were supposed to meet up but we just didn’t get around to that side of town. Looking at their pictures, they looked like they had so much fun. I was so excited for them — almost nostalgic — for the mere fact that here they were, young, free and single on a spur-of-the-moment trip, having great fun in the city. Just brought back memories of the days I was doing the same things. Not that I’m complaining about where I am now.

We ended the night with dinner at Popeye’s. My mom (us included, I’ll admit) absolutely lives for their fried chicken. It totally reminds me of the fried chicken you can find in the Philippines. It’s that yum. The best chicken ever. Even KFC has nothing over Popeye’s.

A and her cousins were set to go clubbing once again — she kept on insisting E and I “would have the best time ever.” Crazy girl, we’re such old farts, what business would we have at a club? I cannot even imagine such an idea at this point of my life. Besides, I’d be too preoccupied with Erynne on my mind. And the idea of loud music and smoke — forget it. I’d rather sleep or have sex.

Sunday
We headed into the city. Parked at Bloomingdale’s (Westfield) and my mom ended up buying a Louis Vuitton bag. I was tempted but I was a good girl and didn’t give in. We had lunch with A and her cousin, who also brought along a friend who lives in Lower Nob Hill. Came to learn their friend (who’s also originally from the same town we’re from in Alaska) is an assistant to a buyer for Margaret O’Leary. How cool is that? Totally reminded me of “The Devil Wears Prada.” Apparently, the friend went to design school right in the city and gets all these wonderful freebie clothes in their boutique. HOW FUN! Haaay, to be 22, young, in the city and doing what you love (clothes!) — can’t get any better than that. Did some more window-shopping within the mall (it was too cold outside!) while the girls watched a movie at the Metreon. Their movie wasn’t over yet by the time we were done at the mall so we headed home. Besides, I wanted to drive back into the city without Erynne so E and I could have a proper dinner with the girls without any interruption. When we got to Lower Nob Hill, I was so fascinated with the fact that people actually use the trollies for real transportation *laugh*. I totally thought the trollies were for tourists only! Hahahaha. Imagine my surprise when I saw people lining up for the trollies near their friend’s apartment — there I discovered trollies were used as a means of transportation even for the locals. It was a total DUH moment. I don’t know what happened but I’m suddenly so in awe of the city now, to the point where I want to experience living there. But the city is no place for a family (at least that’s what I believe). I can’t imagine Erynne walking out of the door and the first thing she sees is the street, instead of say, a lawn and flowers.

Dinner actually ended up being in San Mateo at this yummy Chinese resto we always go to — Golden Wok. It’s practically right down our street and the owners know us because of Erynne. They absolutely love her, so much so that they like to take her and walk her around the resto and give her all sorts of candies and cookies. Erynne literally lights up their world. So when we walked in without the little girl, first thing out of their mouths were, “Where’s Erynne?!” Can a mommy and daddy have a break please? As usual, meal was yummy to the max. However, I was already missing Erynne.

Monday
The girls couldn’t extend their trip so E had to drop them off at the airport around 4am. Love, love my husband for always doing wonderful things like that for me :). And he even let me sleep in past 9am while he tended to Erynne. And who was the one that had to get up at 4 in the morning?! Awww. I decided hubby deserved a date so we ran off to the movies for the 10:45am showing of “Pirates of the Caribbean.” Mother effers, they were already sold out! And there I was sitting in the car, telling him there was no way people would be at the theaters so early in the morning. YEAH RIGHT! Drove around for less than an hour to wait for the next showing — bad move. We somehow found ourselves still late and by the time we went to grab our seats, everyone and their mama’s ten brothers and sisters were there! I couldn’t believe it — all this for Johnny Depp!???? So guess where we finally ended up sitting? Now remember we were in the 4th row for Spiderman. Ha! The screen was right in front of us — we were 2nd row to the very front. Sus ginoo! We were a little bitter in the beginning but we enjoyed the movie so much, we didn’t notice the proximity of the screen… and our stiff necks hahahaha. E claims I’ve seen “Pirates 1″ and that together, we watched “Pirates 2.” Now this is quite scary because I can’t seem to remember either one. Isn’t that weird? Could childbirth and all that anaesthesia really take away so much of my memory? Honest, I can remember details from when I was 3 years old but for the life of me, I can’t remember any of the past “Pirates” movies.

After the movie, we headed back to the city. This time, for Gucci. My mom wanted to buy another bag. Holy cow lady! We didn’t mind as the weather was just gorgeous everywhere. Perfect for a nice stroll through Union Square. Gucci was packed with people. Erynne, I swear, was the loudest person there. She was singing and talking her lungs out without a care in the world — and if you’ve been inside of Gucci at Union Square, you’ll know how small it really is. After some time, my mom found the bag she wanted and though I saw some really cute messenger bags, something was telling me I should go back and get the LV Speedy 30 bag. I just had trouble justifying why I’d need an LV bag. What, to stuff more diapers in? On the walk out of Gucci, the old man who was acting as a guard told me Erynne was one articulate girl, saying she was going to be someone brilliant someday — perhaps even the 1st woman President of the United States (can’t, she wasn’t born on US soil). But that was a new one, I thought. People have come up to us before and said Erynne was the next American Idol. And our tax preparer asked us if Erynne was employed. Excuse me??? Apparently, she thought Erynne was some kind of baby model and wanted to make sure we were giving the correct income amount for our household. Umm, o…….k, thanks but no, she’s just our daughter.

Somehow, I found myself back in Bloomingdale’s LV store. Hubby said I never got a proper Mother’s Day gift. So it was either a new digital camera or a bag. Now who’s going to refuse a free LV bag? 10 minutes later, I walked out with a new bag. Hmm, a new bag to put more of Erynne’s junk. LOL.

Love, loved this weekend. I may have only gotten a pair of boots and a bag, but I had an absolute blast.

Bargain Boots.

Got these at Rockport. I’m not the Rockport type of girl but these were too cute to pass up at $19.99. From $90 to $39.99 and then, $19.99! It was a toss up between these and another pair that were a little more equestrian/J. Crew-ish in look. But I choose these instead (well, it was $20 bucks cheaper too) cuz they kinda remind me of J. Jill clothing in the fall. The question now, when would I ever use these boots? My guess is sometime in the fall — Seattle, Alaska? — or when it gets really cold here (but when’s that? It’s nothing but sun over here!).

These boots will be on the shelves for a while but I don’t mind. I’ll pull them out one of these days. I hope.

My Visual DNA.

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No Vacation For Us.

Sigh.

Sigh.

Sigh.

We aren’t going to Seattle as planned.

Grrr.

I am itching down to the bullies to get the heck out of here this Memorial Day weekend. Why aren’t we going anywhere? Because Eric balked at the budget I had set for our 4-day getaway to Seattle. I mean, come on. I go on vacation to splurge and do the whole nice-luxurious-bed-and-sheets-type-of-hotel — not to stay in some skanky old motel or hotel! Whether I’m in a hotel for only 7 hours or 4 days, I will allot most of my budget towards pretty lodging when on vacation. I’ll eat crap but I must, must, must stay in a beautiful hotel. No ifs and/or buts about it. That’s how I travel. And it’s Memorial Day weekend. Are places supposed to be cheap? No!

I’m ranting, I know.. and wasn’t I the one who said we’re trying to save and pay off all our plastic? So there might be some good to not leaving this weekend, sure. But still. What about a 4-hour drive to Santa Barbara and stay in a nice, quaint bed & breakfast near the beach? Something! But remember what I said about planning spontaneously like that? My man would not be very happy. In fact, I even suggested we overnight in the city in “a pretty hotel” and pretend we’re tourists. I gave him a price and even though he was calm and collected, I could tell his eyes were ready to pop out of his mouth. Did he not get the memo that his wife loves, loves, loves beautiful hotels? Let me answer that question for you: Yes, many a times. LOL.

One thing’s for sure. Labor Day weekend falls on my birthday and there is no way in hell we are NOT going to New York City (yes, even for only a 3-day weekend) to watch those damn Broadway shows I hope won’t bore the hell out of me. I’m curious to see what the hype is with Lea Salonga. That and we’ll hopefully be able to book our first timeshare rental right in the middle of New York (and yes, it is a pretty hotel!). It sounds shallow, but hotels make or break any vacation (of mine). What can I do? I’m maarts like that.

It’s only Friday. Where to go, where to go…